so, for one reason or another, 2010 wasn't really a great year for me. don't want to mump and moan about it, would rather try and learn some lessons and move on to the new year.
i wrote a little while ago about how i struggle with self-discipline and maintaining balance. i'm also giving myself a hard time about not being in the moment enough. this, i think, is why i feel like 2010 has pretty much passed me by.
i feel like i've neglected friends and family, my relationship, our project to become more self-sufficient from the garden, i've probably not slept enough, i've certainly not read enough, we've not been out and about having enough adventures, i kind of lost sight of where i wanted to go creatively, and the housework ... well, that's always a little behind schedule.
but funnily enough, it only just dawned on me the other day that amongst all of this, the one thing that i had really neglected was myself. i've never really seen it from that perspective before! i get so much nourishment (not sure if that's the right word, but hopefully it puts across what i mean) from spending time with the folk i love, from working on our plot, from just hanging out with m, from being me and just playing and having fun.
ah, fun ... that was pretty much missing from the heavy work schedule i had been giving myself. the problem is, i feel guilty if i don't feel like i'm achieving enough in each day, so i give myself a nigh-on impossible to achieve to-do list and then give myself a hard time if i don't complete. or i stay up till all hours to complete and then turn into a tired, grumpy version of me that i really don't like.
aaaanyway, as i said, i'm not going to mump and moan!
so, for this year, i am going to try and look after myself a little better, strive for balance and really work on the self-discipline thing.
i know that what i probably need is a 'routine', but bleurgh to that! i don't work well with routines, they begin to grind me down after a while and something which is supposed to be fun can feel like a chore, plus, m works crazy shifts which are all over the place so i can't really plan too far ahead, perhaps more structure would work better?
to-do lists really do help me though, i find if i sit down at the start of the year and then review it each month, it helps me focus on what i really want to achieve and which direction i want to go. plus, on those days when i feel like i really can't be bothered and don't know what to do with myself, i just need to pick something from the list and i know i'm moving forward (even if i don't feel it at the time!).
so, this is my draft list for the year:
visit family more often.
have days off with m, where we get to just hang out.
spend more time creating with other people.
regularly bake new things.
keep an eye on the foraging season and make elderflower cordial; nettle soup; raspberry coulis; blackberry jam; hawthorn jam; rosehip syrup; sloe gin.
make this the best year yet for home-grown fruit, herbs, veg and flowers.
create a schedule for the housework.
get outside and exercise.
finish off the half-started diy projects around the house.
put time aside to read, without feeling guilty.
create a dye garden and practise with natural dyes.
finish the half-started projects.
use up my materials stash.
learn new techniques.
work on new projects.
practise new techniques and try out new ideas.
keep shops well stocked.
give myself a break from time to time, be kinder to me and remember to have fun!
so, i'm pretty optimistic about all of this, except perhaps the housework part!
what's your resolutions and plans for this new year?